Just tell it like it is.
Stand up and be heard.
The only thing to fear – is fear
(and being hated by the world).

There’s not enough reason
To always – go down fighting
There’s not enough reasons to fight.

Just stand up and be heard
For all the world to see.
When you tell it like it is
The truth can be set free.

There’s not enough consequence
To really make you cower
Humiliation is as bad as it would get.

So throw off all your fears.
Stand up and take a chance.
You’ve been wanting to for years.
It’s time for you to dance.

There’s not enough love -
That you don’t need to share.
There’s not a surplus of selflessness around.

So pull up a chair and sit -
With someone torn apart.
Lend a sympathetic ear -
And listen with your heart.

In veiled disguise – she could pour on
A smiling manner – an oxymoron.
Underneath she raged with hate
Enjoyed me in weakened state.

All my life her voice was caustic
She thought herself a wizened Gnostic
She was just a jaded soul
Who never felt she was quite whole.

Her shrill insults were cacophonous
Contorted faces were no bonus.
Mein Enemy – her sobriquet
She couldn’t, wouldn’t go away.

Her anger spewed like a volcano
Lava poured as does a vein flow.
Every time I was on top
She tried to put it to a stop.

For thirty years she did ensue
I wasn’t sure what I would do.
Each dream I had was stolen such
I didn’t want them all that much.

I never would be beautiful
I never would be suitable.
I never would become a writer
I wasn’t even a worthy fighter.

She picked at me and wore me down
She thrashed my deeds and stole my crown
Her evil ways tormented me
And no one else could even see.

Thirty years I did endure
Her wrath, her lies, her overture
She took my hopes and gave back fears
Did I endure for thirty years?

I told myself – I’ve had enough
No need to listen to that stuff.
I’m bright, I’m fun, I look just fine
No longer could she undermine.

I took her words and laughed out loud
I told her that she should be proud
I’ve come so far – through such hard times
My writing has earned several dimes.

I may not be well known or rich
But I still write, I’ve got the itch.
I may not be living all my dreams
But all is never what it seems.

At least I try – I yelled at her
I offer more than unkind words
When you insult me you inspire -
Your evil only lifts me higher.

The worst enemy I’ve ever had
Gasped and finally said – I’m glad.
I looked confused – did I just hear her?
She smiled back from my own mirror.

What can I do – to protect myself from pain?
Going down the same road – again and again.
What should I feel – when everything seems wrong?
The happiness I’m craving – is taking way too long.

What should I see – as the world slips away
And then comes into focus on any given day.
What would it take – to ever stop the hunger?
How long will I wait – I ‘m not getting any younger.

What day is this – they all run into one
Sometimes my life seems over – sometimes it’s just begun.
What answers me – erases all the pain?
What do I need – to satisfy my brain?

What will it be – and where and when and how?
I know I should be patient, but by God, I want it now.
What’s the real point?  I over-analyze.
But letting life just pass on by – would it really be more wise?

Appearances can be deceiving
The smile that’s upon my face
Hides the breath holding moment of yielding
Covers the shame and disgrace.

At least in death – there can be dignity
But living on – has killed a side of me
Humiliation and the degradation
That accompany – the violation.

The violation -  that shouldn’t have been
Gets replayed in my mind – again and again.
Nothing in this world deserves eternal damnation
With no questions asked – except the violation.

I know, now, the detachment
The hunger I don’t feel -
Is just another symptom of
How nothing seems too real.

There is no special place -
You need to go – to get there
There is no one – you need to know
To feel that you fit there.

When everything falls out of place
The tunnel sucks you in
There is no way for one, alone
To make it out again.

A hand – outstretched to bridge the gap
Across the heartless land
Pride and ego put at bay
Reach out and take the hand.

Sometimes I look into your eyes
And only face a wall -
That hides you and protects you
Till I can’t see in at all.

Sometimes you look into my eyes
I’m unaware again -
To distracted to become attuned
And I don’t let you in.

Sometimes you look into my eyes
My heart sticks in my throat -
Not certain if you feel it too
But thought I’d let you know.

There’s so many things that I’d like you to know
So many feelings I struggle to show
A head full of thoughts that would show you I care
A heart full of love that I’m longing to share.

But, you know, not everyone’s a poet…

So I come to you and I look in your eyes
And I try to tell you I apologize
I know that my heart’s got something to say
But words only seem to get in my way.

I beg your forgiveness; I feel so ashamed
That there’s words in my heart I’m unable to name
In frustration and worry, I turn away
Then you lift my head gently, and smile as you say…

“It’s okay…not everyone’s a poet.”

Life seemed over
Nights were colder
I was low-down.

Then stepping off the morning train
I tripped over your shoes -
Dropped your paper when you caught me
I spilled coffee on your news -
And picking it all up then made you
Miss the train for you -
Couldn’t have  planned it any better if I’d tried.

Shrugged your shoulders
Dropped your paper
In the can.

Replace my coffee?
Yes, why thank you…
…what a man!

I walked into the diner with my
Heart up in my throat -
By then I needed decaf but I
Couldn’t let you know -
We talked and laughed until the time
You said you had to go.
Couldn’t have planned it any better if I’d tried.

With my number
In your wallet
Off you took.

An hour late, my
Friends gave me some
Curious looks.

For the next eleven hours, I was
Bouncing off the wall -
But tried to sound composed and calm
When I took your call -
But you were so excited
I didn’t feel dumb at all.

Couldn’t have  planned it any better if I’d tried.

Now our friends think
That it’s truly
Destiny.
And our kids say
You were always
Meant for me.

Beneath the tough image – was a man with a heart
His IQ could blow most – sorry Joe’s off the chart.
He liked doing crosswords – I admit, so did I
Brought them in from my planes when I’d be passing by.

I thought I was smart – but he blew me away
He knew what the tough clues – were trying to say.
We’d do puzzles together – he’d talk of his life -
The Navy, his daughters, Big Red and his wife.

 It was a pleasure for me – to have such a distraction
Don’t know when I noticed – my hidden attraction.
His smile and demeanor – always brightened my day
If I’d only known then – I’d have just walked away.

It would have been better – than what happened next
Though what happened to cause it – I only can guess.
He grew distant and quiet – so I gave him some space
I just couldn’t see the hate – there in his face.

Finally, a friend put a knife in my soul
When she spoke of the anger he just didn’t show.
I’d only assumed he was preoccupied
When my very presence – had him cringing inside.

I was treating this man – like a long, lifetime friend
Asking romance advice, yet again and again.
Staying and sitting, when I should have been walking
No longer able to listen, just incessantly talking.

There was a time when I was just – a girl passing through
We didn’t notice each other – so I had nothing to lose.
Over time, – I guessed that he somehow understood.
I had something-worth-something to offer this world.

 It was a boost to my ego, I can no way deny
Though I boosted his too, well, at least for a while.
The saying about loving and losing’s a lie
I’d rather have nothing – than watch something good – die. 

This was all my own doing – that led to this end
An enemy stands where I thought stood a friend.
I’d change my behavior – or words I misspoke
Turn time back – and fix up – whatever I broke.

No puzzles, no flirting, no asking advice
Internally checking each word I spoke twice.
But I’m left in a quandary – there is no way to repair
The rift that leaves me over here – and mein enemy there.

Everywhere I go
I find three kinds of men:
The ones whose heart’s are taken
The players – and the friends.

It’s a little frustrating
I’ve really begun hating
Going down the same road
Again and again….

I’ve know him all my life
I’m not meant to be his wife.
He’s a confidant, a comrade
And a friend.

My mom will never understand
Why he will never be my man
I could talk till I am blue
And it would never sink in.

~ ~ ~

THREE MEN – all wrong
The road’s – been long
But I’ll wait – I know
Because there’s nowhere else to go.

~ ~ ~

I saw him from a distance
He broke through my resistance
With a gesture and a smile,
He took hold of my heart.

I didn’t have a clue
He was only passing through.
And when the player made his exit
Half my world fell apart.

~ ~ ~

THREE MEN – all wrong
The road’s – been long
But I’ll wait – I know
Because there’s nowhere else to go.

~ ~ ~

We were working side by side
A man with whom I could confide
I knew that he was taken
By the ring he had on.

His family was his life – you know
He actually loved his wife.
What made me want him – made me walk
Another oxymoron.

~ ~ ~

THREE MEN – all wrong
The road’s – been long
But I’ll wait – I know
Because there’s nowhere else to go.

~ ~ ~

He managed all his duties
He tended all her fears.
He lived the life, the lie, so well
It fooled him for years.

The passion slowly died
Camaraderie was scarce.
Things they once enjoyed
Became routine, almost rehearsed.

At first he thought that he expected
Something he should not.
Guilt at not being satisfied
With everything he got.

They bought the house, the dogs, the cars
Fulfillment did not follow.
All the things which filled their house
Rang empty, then, and hollow.

He loved the girl, he lived the life
But time grew them apart.
He lost the love, then lived the lie
He always played his part.

Who’s to say what catalyst
Can spark a man to action?
What makes someone realize
The need for satisfaction?

Whatever shock it takes
To bring about a revelation
Is an albatross, because
It makes one start a new foundation.

Should he leave a woman who
No longer seemed his wife?
Should he stay and bravely face
A long and empty life?

What’s for better, what’s for worse
It’s a personal decision -
No advice but inner voice
Can follow inner vision.

It’s never easy – to remember
things that caused your life pain.
And it’s never simple to face all those evils
Or give any one its true name . . .

Jealousy often is called “realism”
by the one who can’t say “insecure.”
Worry is “reason” by the one who just cannot
connect it to feeling a fear.

Caution is “wisdom” – to the one who can’t struggle
to get himself up out of bed.
And Hatred is called “religion” by those
who don’t question words they have read…

Here is a time to open our eyes
to the things that are painful to see.
And spring-clean the closets of our spirit and mind -
so, once more the soul can be free.

When we look inward and we can accept
the darkness that has always been -
Then the Light can grow strong and honest and pure
as the god and goddess living within.

Calm and collected – No one’s ever suspected
That there’s more to her than meets the eye.
The end situation – There’ll be no indication
Of the warmth and love she carries inside.

Everyone looks, yet nobody sees her
Splitting apart from the pain.
Everyone listens, but nobody hears her
Screaming aloud in her brain…

While…her heart is a blazing inferno
Raging wildly out of control.

Her mind is alive and it’s burning
With an intensity no one would know.

Her soul is a silent contender
That will never give up the fight.

But her body and expressions
Mask her feelings and impressions
So none of this will come to light.

The first reunion, I actually contemplated it.
Then the feelings of the past
welled up in my throat.

No distance I could climb up the ladder of success.
Could change the picture in your mind, . . .
your hate, or your ideas.

But now I’ve come to recognize water under the bridge.

You said I’d never amount to much, and I…
I was so ashamed,-sure that you were right.
I know now that I was wrong, for believing you.

And when I see you at this reunion-
I’ll feel challenged by your presence.
And I’ll look you in the eye.

I won’t need to make excuses, or hesitate, or stutter.
I won’t need to explain myself to you at all.
Because I’ve really graduated this time.

Reconstructing, reconditioning
Really seeing, really listening
To the echoes that reverberate in mind.

I close my eyes, then turn the pages
Time and reason rearranges
All the fears and hopes and dreams of yesteryear.

Come to terms with where I find them
Find acceptance – fight subsides then
Life resumes once more – with one less cross to bear.

I don’t believe that’s true, but maybe -
in some inexplicable way
It captured your essence -
And that was enough.

The picture kept invading my mind –
It tore at my soul with questions unspeakable.

Then it tried to make me feel safe
It told lies that it believed were true –
That way, it could never feel guilty
When it walked away

But this is a modern version of the same old song
The new verse will always end in good-bye
There is nothing new to say -
No words that can make it all better

Not even you are strong enough to make the pain go away.
And I – I am not a challenge

Nor am I a good deed.

Some things should be left alone.

The whole of my being was fused into one dark abyss
That once was a heart, a mind, a spirit, a soul
That once had hope, instead of numb detachment

That once had faith, not just apathy.

But my soul was stolen once, maybe from a picture -
And my mind became lost, could not find the way back -
And my spirit was too weary to try.
And my heart – was too afraid.

And the saddest part of the whole story
Is that my heart lay here broken, yet again.
And we’ve never even met.
Your picture haunted my dreams last night.

So I picked up all my anger
Cast it aside – with words -
And found that anger – really
Just covered up my hurt

I didn’t understand if I was
Hurt by seeing truth
Or sad because – I wasn’t shallow
And thought – perhaps – you knew.

You asked me where I get
My ideas and experiences -
You wouldn’t listen when I said
“Just keeping up appearances.”

Now, you have unleashed a pain
No one would want to see.
Pain should be kept hidden
Only happy thoughts set free

**************Part 2****************

While I was left – cut open
By words not meant to hurt
I ran the gamut of emotion -
A simple phrase had come and stirred.

The sadness got cried out, so I
Looked deeply underneath . . .
I cried when I saw – what was there -
I never liked to see.

The pain came reeling through my head
And tore apart my mind.
Scabs that covered unhealed wounds
Dripped blood and tears and wine.

The funny thing; you needn’t fear
What worried you the most.
The one thing that is crystal clear -
I’m haunted by my ghost.

How many times can I endure
A cathartic, soul release
And have the blackness seep across
My heart and mind with ease.

**************Part 3****************

When the tears had run their course
Just emptiness remained
A vision of the scars and
quilted remnants of the pain.

My old mind – it remembered
And old truth – I once discovered
The baggage in my heart
Would be too much for any lover.

You see, I’d never ask for empathy
For pity or compassion.
The Law of Threefold’s always just
I’ve made this baggage happen.

The weight I carry doesn’t hail from
Some traumatic life event
But from the secrets and the shame
And base embarrassment.

If I could check this luggage -
All the way to Timbuktu,
And never go and claim it
Then, that’s what I’d like to do.

But on my back, it’s carried
The weight presses on my soul
The only thing – alive in me
Are the words – to let you know.

No trespassing! Violators will be towed.
No trespassing! Perpetrators will be shot.
No trespassing! Till I get back the debt that I’m owed.
No trespassing! You know, I’m not really asking a lot.

Well, . . .

No one wants in till you put up a fence
And tell them to stay the hell out.
And you’re just not sexy till you’re on the defense
And waving that rifle about . . . My sign reads:

No trespassing! I told you to stay the hell out.
No trespassing! I don’t wanna have to scream and shout!
No trespassing! I’ve just got to think this thing through.
No trespassing! Well, now, I know what I’ve just gotta do.

{Musical Interlude}

No trespassing! I told you to stay the hell out.
No trespassing! I hate to have to scream and shout.
No trespassing! I’ve just got to think this thing through.
No trespassing! Well, now, I know what I’ve just gotta do . . .

That sign came down with a crack and a thud
The fence was dismantled and stored.
I’d given up my fighting and was ready for love . . .
But there ain’t no suitors no more! . . . Hello?

No trespassing! . . .

{Repeat chorus…till you’re blue in the face.)

The silence is broken
The bells will toll free
In limbo they lied there
And, no one could see

The world speeds to normal
As if it’d been paused
No regard to life’s rules
Or to natural laws.

The matrix they lived in
Shattered and fell
Truth melted the false life
That they knew so well.

A new world emerges
Full of promise and hope
How many will die so
The truth can be told?

A hard road lies forward
Only lies lay behind
Discarded and silenced
To free every mind

Along the hard, new path
Will be shadows and death
Agents who’ll kill them
To stifle Truth’s breath.

But Truth will enlighten
At a cost -devastating
The bodies they fed on
Were renegades – hibernating.

As the rebels take foothold
Their strength will outlast
Because the silence in broken
And so is the past.