The Postcard (song lyrics) [rock ballad]

[rock ballad with a james taylor/bobby goldsboro/paul simon feel]

all i had left – in my desk
was this postcard
pictured on it – where i’d once been

a reminder – so distant
of a past i once held, where
i’d never be going again

so i sat down – to write you
some solace and sham
penning words – that i’m feeling no pain

and i realize now
that this pen’s – not a fountain
and it better not run in the rain.

the words – better not run in the rain…

on the back – of the card,
i scrawled down – that it’s sunny
that it’s never looked – brighter than this

prospects are golden
and my luck’s running honey
i’ve been blessed – with some heavenly kiss

what i didn’t say,
i didn’t want you to know
you’re not asking- to see all my pain

the sun’s not really shining,
and this pen’s only felt,
well, it better not run it the rain.

i hope it won’t run in the rain…
no, it better not run in the rain.

Life Was Meant To Be Lived (song lyrics) [garage rock]

[smithereen's, rem, nickelback. could go different ways.]

She was an innocent girl
In a dangerous world
She was full of blind trust and light.

But that was bastardized
And that was stolen away
Innocence lost in the blink of an eye.

She could have fallen down
She could have run to hide.
She could have given up on living her life.

She could’ve shadowed out
All the gold  inside
But, she held on to some of the light.

*******
Because….
Life was meant to be lived, lived.
Life was meant to be loved, right?
He took what she wouldn’t give, give
But not the beauty inside, ’side.
*******

She grew up and worked
On an aeroplane
She served passengers with a warm smile.

She greeted people she loved
From all over the world
With the glow of an innocent child.

Then, the towers fell
And, the jobs were gone
More than a hundred thousand strong.

She felt like giving up
And she felt so alone
But, she knew giving up would be wrong.

*******
Because…
Life was meant to be lived, lived.
Life was meant to be loved, right?
She still had something to give, give
She wouldn’t give up that fight, fight.
*******

So, she began again
From the bottom rung
She held onto all the good she believed.

She settled down with her love,
They had a beautiful son
She was thankful for all she received.

When the days get so hard
And, the nights last so long
She tells herself – she’s just not done!

And, when success seems so far
And everything has gone wrong
She takes comfort – how far she has come.
*******
Because…
Life was meant to be lived, lived.
Life was meant to be loved, right?
And maybe she hasn’t won, won
But there’s still time, she just might, might.

Life was meant to be lived, lived.
Life was meant to be loved, right?
You’ve got to reach out and give, give
And hold onto the light, light.

Life was meant to be lived, lived…
Life was meant to be lived, right?

Life was meant to be lived, lived…

Sometimes, You Lose

Sometimes, You Lose…

(Names have been changed to protect the innocent, and even the guilty.)

Yeah, I tuck in my shirts. I’d better start with that, because I’ve been told it’s very much a sign of what a dork I really am…

Growing up, I was a teacher’s kid: kinda smart, a little nerdy, still waiting for puberty to look like it’s hit and I’m forty. I was a bookworm, because I got lost in a world where I could be anything, do anything, look any way, solve crimes, experience life and time periods vicariously. It was wondrous, exceptional, stellar. My room was my sanctuary and I laugh at the basement dweller in the song Online, because I understand all too well. But, there was a time, and there was a place…

When I was in my twenties, I had this favorite place to go. It was amazing. An equal playing field for all. Truly humbling, leveling, elevating… all at the same time. Everyone who showed up there — gosh, it didn’t matter who you were, where you were from, how you looked, how much money you had — you were all equalized in one moment. That sounds like it could be a bad thing, but it soooo wasn’t. It was the kind of place where everyone who showed up immediately blended into the moment without feeling ignored. I have never felt more alive than in that place. I don’t even need to close my eyes. I can hear it, smell it, feel the moment surrounding me and everyone who ventured to that spot. I lived it in person more than thirty times. I can relive it at will, just by calling it to memory

As an aspiring artist, I designed a shirt to wear on these occasions. A piece of artwork I’d seen, with an obscure, historic connection to this favorite place in my world. Those in the know were impressed, which actually surprised me and made me feel a bit special. Those who had no idea  of the connotation still liked the shirt without knowing the reference. I was a small-time star. Very small time, but just enough to make me feel great.

On one New Year’s Eve, I made plans to got there with an acquaintance, but we arrived too early. Sometimes, when there’s a drive involved… and inclement weather, it’s hard to judge one’s timing. So, she and I showed up to closed doors and had to demur to another location down the street that was open. And, that’s when I met her.

It started out innocently enough. She was beautiful, hip, a counter-culture beauty that reminded me of Neve Campbell, sitting with two friends of her own. She immediately took to me and our groups combined. The night progressed and we all ended up going to my spot together. I found out they were all from out of town, as were we. I offered up my hotel room as a night’s refuge in the blizzard and the three politely declined in favor of more partying and then driving home after. Yet, as fate would have it, they showed up at 3 a.m., hoping I would not be angry and would still take them in. Well, duh! Of course. They were trustworthy and that was the “code.” We talked a few minutes, then all crashed on the two double beds, dressed but exhausted. and satisfied. In the morning I snuck out and brought back doughnuts. Everyone exchanged numbers and addresses. The girl I’d gone with orignially was from Detroit and just visiting me for the week. (she was actually pretty mental, but that’s another story entirely. Oh my.) Wayne was from Indiana. Greg and this girl, this girl, she was from Ohio. I will refer to her forthwith as Ohio Girl.

When you meet people on a drunken night, or a party circuit, or while out of town, how often do you exchange information and follow up? We did. Unusual, yes, but we had a common ground. That place. That favorite thing in the world. She and I talked on the phone many times, many nights. Usually the calls lasted an hour and a half, and I was paying dearly on my phone bill for this burgeoning friendship. Even when she called me, I called right back. She was still a student. I had a full time job.  One of their three fell by the wayside, Greg. He decided he was gay and to change his lifestyle to suit his newfound outness. But the rest went on strongly. Not one month after meeting for the new year celebration, she drove from Ohio to Wayne’s house in Indiana and then he drove to my house in St. Louis. I felt so validated, so wonderful, so indescribable. They stayed for a three day weekend. I showed them about town. We listened to music, watched videos. drank a little, made the worst video you have ever seen. I still have it. It sucks balls.

We made plans for February. We met in mid-Illinois to collect together in one car and make the trek to this spot. I guess I need to explain something here. At this place, there was an inner circle that was extremely popular, hard to get to know. There was an outer circle of people who I knew very well, having developed a rapport over the years. It was clear to me that one of their pet peeves was for strangers to figure out they knew the power-hitters and ask to meet them. Talk about insincerity. So, I never did ask. Not time after time, year after year of going there.

One reason was because the friends I’d made — I didn’t consider them “contacts” or “stepping stones” to rich, powerful circle of people. I considered them friends. But, truth be told, there was another reason. The reason I liked this place so much was its leveling factor. In reality, I was a bit of a nerd, a geek, a dork, a scrawny mid-western poetry girl. I liked the distance, the remoteness of it all. When I went there, to the inner circle, I was this mystery girl who sometimes showed up and quietly disappeared into the night. The place was crawling with gold-diggers and whores. In fact, the reason I designed the historically significant artsy shirt was because I never wanted to be mistaken for one of those.

So, Ohio Girl, Wayne and I went on a road trip to our place. Our “Sedona,” if you will. They were short of cash, so they provided gas money to meet up with me, and from there, I provided vehicle, gas money, food money, hotel money and all other expenses. Hey, they were my friends, right? So, we arrived at our destination. Upon stopping in and greeting my outer circle that morning to let them know I was in town, I saw the inner circle surprisingly there in daylight. The four of them were at a distant side of the room. It freaked me out, because on the trip, those people were the only topic holding Ohio Girl’s interest. I already had a vague feeling of apprehension. Even worse, my two closest outer circle friends were smitten immediately with the Neve Campbell mystique of this pre-Emo, underground beauty. We did leave and went out about the town, took naps, ate, and got ready for our night. I slipped into a black turtleneck and jeans, topping the turtleneck with my art design original that had won acclaim. It’s how the inner circle knew I was there on any given night, from my safe distance of blurred dorkiness.

Ohio Girl, she looked at me and said, “You’re NOT going to wear that shirt, are you? You look like a dork.” I was rather taken aback. She had no comprehension of its meaning, its Picasso-like attraction from worthy newcomers. I sound so elitist. Heh. I didn’t know what to do. Then she added the all-too-perfect “look, I’m just telling you this as a friend, because I care about you.” The shirt came off and for the first time in years, I wore someone chosen by someone else: a rather sleazy bodice topped with some front layer that de-sleazed it imperceptibly. The night actually went well until the last moments. You turn one wrong corner, switch locales to wind down, find a completely dead hotel bar to just discuss the night before we headed home, and boom… in walks Victim 1 (hereby referred to as Single Guy) of the inner circle. To his defense, he was the only single one and was obviously smitten with Ohio Girl. He joined our table and we talked. She watched us talk, but offered nothing as he tried to warm her to him. And then, he asked for us to come back the next night. To our special place. I told him it was tempting, but we had such a long drive in different directions to get back home. He said he’d watch for us just in case.

Argument one broke out back at the hotel. She said we just had to stay, and I was driving, and if we left it would ruin Wayne’s and her life. I told her I had to work. Wayne offered up that he was willing to lose his job over an opportunity like this. It might never happen again. I looked at them there. No money, willing to lose everything, it all hinging on me. Of course, I chose friendship over logic. Night number two proved he did watch for us to show. For the first time, the outer circle had been apprised of our potential arrival. We were met with freed drinks, VIP treatment and later to a private chat area. That sounds weird, but there was a room away from the noise — fully lit, nothing sleazoid, where we sat and talked for an hour or so. Well, not all of us. Single Guy was joined by Victim 2 (hereby referred to as Married Guy) a  freshly married man brimming with joy, talking about his family life and pending arrival of a new baby boy. The discussion was actually quite pleasant. I was surprised by my level of complete comfort with these two and chuckled at my earlier fears. They didn’t seem to treat me like I was a dork at all. And, most of the discussion was directed toward me, as she barely spoke. She did manage to say “Give me a light!” And, she muttered, “I HATE that kind of beer. It sucks.” Other than being confused by that, I remember nothing of verbal content from her. To my chagrin, Single Guy tried again with her by altering our plan, my plan to work at a job… He asked us to come back again the next night. Both of my friends immediately agreed, while I swallowed hard at the growing severity of my situation and the apprehension grew.

Argument number two broke out at a truck-stop diner that had private jukeboxes at each table. The night had gone better than ever expected. How could we stop now? We were “in.” I don’t know if I was psychic or just being negative, but I saw this all blowing up in my face. And, I was out of money. I would have to hit the ATM and maybe even do a credit card withdrawal. I was not only out of planned money, and had spent my emergency fund hidden in a key box in my engine. I was now faced with retrieving bill money and running short for the month.

Tears slid down my cheeks as I pleaded to go home and come back another time. But, no. If we were “in” now, it could be short lived. We needed to ensure it. I didn’t want to ensure anything. But, again, I still believe to this day that friendship is worth more than any job. Had it been a “career,” that would have been different. It was just a job. So, yeah, we stayed for a third night. I spent more money on food for all, watched videos, window shopped, etc. The place that night was so packed, there was no room to be a VIP. We just enjoyed the moments alone, knowing that what was to come was to be more special. We went back to our hotel, where a van was waiting for us. My outer circle buddy, Billy, loaded us into it and we were driven to a little corner bar that was quiet and nearly empty. There were, like, two patrons, and then the rest of the people we knew. They had chosen a place which was leveling to them. No one there thought they were rich, powerful or important. Ironic, really.

It was then she pulled me aside into an empty bathroom. Not the first crack in her veneer, but the first telling one to me. She said “the reason I’ve barely said anything to these guys is because I’m so intimidated. And, what makes it worse is… you’re not. You’re completely comfortable talking about any subject, and I have no idea what to say. I blurted out I hate that beer and give me a light, because I was struggling. If you’re really my friend, please do me this favor. If Married Guy talks to me, please just walk away. Please.” I said, “I’ve taken two extra days off work, probably lost my job, spent my money, my emergency money, my bill money, driven us everywhere and you’re telling me NOT to talk to this guy because I treat him normally and we have a rapport? Are you serious?” She said, “if you’re my friend, you’ll walk away. It’s the only way I’ll be comfortable being myself.”

We left the bathroom and went into the main bar. Married Guy greeted me with a huge, warm hug and smile. He hugged Ohio Girl, also, though she didn’t receive it well. I said “it’s so good to see you, um, I have to go over there though. Take care.” He looked really, super confused. Just as perplexed as a face can get. He continued to say he was on his way out. His wife was potentially going into labor and he was actually staying in our hotel, because he’d moved too far away to drive home on weekends. He pointed out Single Guy and asked me to cheer him up. He said that the guy was too drunk, was really down, and would be glad to talk to me.  I told him how excited I was for he and his wife, how happy to have seen him before he left, (and to his confused face) hugged him goodbye and walked away as previously asked, leaving Ohio Girl alone with Married Guy. I walked over to Single Guy and we sat together. He perked up and we had a great conversation, for about two minutes. She came over, looking defeated, angry, pouting for a moment, then her face lit up and she turned to the single guy of the inner circle, hence… Single Guy.

After rubbing his thigh and flirting immensely, she needed to use the ladies room. She needed me to come with. Needed. I was getting the look. So, back in the empty bathroom she told me something that knocked me flat. “Look, Married Guy left the building and he married a slut and she’s having his baby, but I’m his soul mate. I’ve been in love with him for years. That’s why I can’t talk around him. This guy is my only chance. He’s single. If I get “in” with him, I’ll be able to get closer to the other guy. He’ll see that I’m the one for him. I’ll never get closer to Single Guy if he keeps talking to you. Why is it so easy for you to talk to anyone about anything? Please, just walk away. Let me have my chance.” Oh, yes, she did.

I was stunned. I countered with logic, of course. “You don’t even know this guy you say you love. If you don’t know him, that’s not love. Maybe, you have a crush, infatuation adoration, I don’t know. He just remarried this woman and he’s so obviously happy. He’s beaming! If you love him, then you’ll trust his judgment. Let him alone. And, furthermore,  to use Single Guy as a vehicle to reach Married Guy is beyond immoral and unbelievably unethical on every level. I care about them, whether I know them well or not.  I won’t let you do that.”

Her face set with determination and she looked straight into my eyes. “Oh, you’re not going to stop me.”

And, she was right…

I told him goodnight and thanked him for his generosity. I got another confused look, but endured it. I walked to the bar and was sucker punched by something I never saw coming.

There’s something I haven’t told you. Because, it’s embarrassing. Within that inner circle of four, there was one guy who did intimidate me. In this story, he will be referred to as Mentor Guy. Because, he was my mentor guy, my Mr. Miagi, if you will. (He still is to this day, though I’ve never told him and he’d never have guessed and probably not cared either.) He was underestimated by nearly everyone, unbelievably astute, yet wore a zany façade that fooled most into seeing him as just a caricature. Around him, I could not speak. I had been told he didn’t suffer fools gladly and was at a loss for words around him. He was a mentor of mine without knowing it, cultured yet down to earth, a steady upbringing and a true family man with integrity, warmth and compassion. He somehow turned zany into cool.

On many occasions, he’d seen me from a distance and protected me. I’d never known until earlier that day, in fact. Billy said “remember that guy who was bothering you that one night? He was removed from the premises. And, this time and that time and then, etc…” I thought back to all the times weirdos and jerks approached me and disappeared when I showed no interest. I was so complimented to find this out, and yet it became so short lived. It didn’t even last a day. I walked to the main bar and ordered a beer and uncannily… up walked Mentor Guy to the other end of the same bar. He eyed me in new evaluation,  looked at the beer in my hand, squinted, and I then received the coldest stare I’d ever received in my life. It had come from the one person I was afraid wouldn’t like me, the one man I didn’t want to ever know I was just a geeky nerd out on the town, trying to erase that stigma and feel a sense of belonging. Mentor Guy was displeased. That mystery girl in the artsy shirt had gotten too close and, ironically, had been mistaken for one of the shallow, gold-digging whores. I was so crushed I had no words. I set down my full beer and walked away from the whole situation.

If you are the company you keep, it was time for me to change company. Ohio Girl and her need for being “in” had pulled me into a part of a nightlife I was unequipped to handle. I thought I took the high road and went back to the hotel. Thinking it was a brilliant idea, I drank a beer. And, then, I had a second and third. Yay me. I have no idea how much time passed… an hour, three, I don’t know.

She came back to the hotel room, and just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, she said, “Oh, Annie, I just don’t know what to do. The wrong guy likes me. He thinks I want him and he gave me the key to his hotel room. But, I only like him as a friend. I went to the other hotel room, the guy I like. The door was open and there’s a group there just sitting around to see if his slut wife goes into labor. Anyway, I told him that his buddy likes me and wants me. And, I told him I just can’t do that, because you have a huge crush on his buddy. I told him that you’ve liked him for years and I know it would never work out because he’s a partier and you’re just a innocent sweetheart from the Midwest, but because he’s so well-traveled and rich and powerful, you’re a little bit star-struck, a little obsessed with him.

“You said what????”

“Of course, I told him you weren’t dangerous and they had no reason to worry. It’s just that you had built your life around the times you got to come and see this guy in the room, even from a distance.”

“But, you know that I’ve dated a guy on and off for the last year and a half…”

“Well, he was really shocked. He said he said he had no idea and that you acted so normal. He never would have guessed. I told him that I just wanted to be a good friend. How could I date a guy you liked and still be a good friend? Well, he was soooo comforting. He told me that there was nothing I could do and that it was so sweet of me to be so considerate of you, but I needed to follow my heart.”

“Did you happen to tell him that you were just trying to impress him to get him to leave his pregnant wife and the single guy was just a pawn?”

She laughed, then talked softly again. “Of course not. Oh sweetie, you know how much you like this guy.”

“I do?”

“Oh, it’s so obvious. And, I don’t want to hurt you…. Then, I went to Single Guy and told him…”

“You…”

“He’s really angry right now. It pissed him off. He just didn’t see it coming either. He said you’ve never flirted and he had no idea. Now, he is mad he can’t be with me because of you. He even said he’d fuck you if that would mean he could fuck me…”

Tears came hard. What a low blow. I have no idea if he ever said that. He probably did. He was drunk and mad at her sudden story that made me a scapegoat after her heavy flirting. When I finally could speak…

“You just ruined my reputation. They think I’m some obsessed, crazy, small-town waif, trying to move up in the glamourous world and I’m starstruck by some powerful guy who can ‘take me places.’ And, they didn’t see that coming based on how I acted, which means that all the trust I’d earned is gone. It’s all gone.”

She smiled so sweetly, so believably my good friend. And, she said in the kindest voice,  “I told you that you weren’t going to stop me.”

I was way too drunk, way too hurt, way too stunned and blubbering in tears. I left and went to my friend Billy’s room. I told him what happened and he was infuriated. He said, “I’ve known these guys for years. They meet women like her all the time. TRUST me, they will never believe that load of crap. It’s obvious who is who and what is what. Don’t even worry for a second. They would never believe that conniving, psycho bitch!” He went down the hall for ice and his phone rang. I thought he might be calling from the front desk or something with a question. So, I answered his phone. It was her target, Married Guy, looking for Billy. He recognized my voice and said, “Hey, Sweetie, while I have you on the phone, I know you don’t want to hear this right now. But, just listen. My buddy is not the right guy for you. You may think you’re in love with him, but you don’t even know him. I know how easy it can be to get obsessed with someone, but I promise you… you’re wonderful and you will meet the right guy. It’s just not him.”

I said, “But, that’s not…” and he said, “Tell Billy I called. I have to keep this line open, hon.” And, he was gone.

Never believe her? Never fall for that? Well, at least Married Guy was nice, but time told the story. Four months later she invited me out to make up for her behavior and talk to me. Then, when Single Guy found out I was coming and was afraid because I was “obsessed” with him, she ditched me. Ironically, Married Guy, her “man,” found me and brought me back to the group. He introduced me to his older son and sat me with his family. She looked visibly upset. Then, it was time to go and I got hugs and goodbyes and I was left with her. She broke into tears. It was quite a highlight, actually. She said that everything had gone wrong and, for some reason, Single Guy “thought” she liked the married guy and was not speaking to her. Simply because she laid a pillow on the married guys lap and laid down on it, and Single Guy walked in and stormed out. Poor Married Guy was left to explain her behavior to his seven year old boy. *ugh* Anyway, it was so nice to see her behavior blow up in her face. In the sweetest voice, I said, “tell me everything.” She did, and I supressed the smiles and cheers of her being recognized for the shallow, two-faced scum that she was.

I thought, for me, it could be good again. But, it was too late. Even though they “found her out,” they still had no reason to believe that I was not obsessed and trying to hook up with the single guy. I went back a few times. Single Guy, he avoided me, 2 was more wary around me and Mentor Guy, the one I admired the most, became the caricature he was known to be once again. I believe that 4 in the group remained uninvolved and unaware of the situation in its entirety. For what it’s worth, I had been demoted. Of course, I ended my pretend friendship with her, Ohio Girl. I realized that there had been so many signs of her insincerity along the way. I hadn’t wanted to see them, because I’d never been befriended by a gorgeous, trophy friend. In truth, it had made me feel important, which was my most shallow moment to date. And, I paid dearly for being so shallow. Yes, I learned a lesson, but at a cost greater than anything but death. You see, that place was my favorite place in the world. It was my escape from stress, from work, from being a dorky, scrawny, bookworm next door. It was my favorite thing to do and it had been tainted. I no longer blended in and became an equal. I stood out and became an outsider. It was not the most painful hardship of my life, but it was the hardest lesson I ever had to endure.

There are some things you can never undo, some places you can never revisit, some innocence that can never be regained, some impressions than can never be rectified. Sure, I could have told those guys “she’s making that up.” But, she was so believable I nearly wondered if I had a crush on that guy. It’s more likely they would have thought I was so humiliated I was side-stepping it to save face. I could have said that I was skittish around guys, and had they even mildly flirted they would have seen me shy away, not blossom under the affection. I did consider it. To clarify what had happened would have been to clarify that I was an awkward woman-child, who escaped in the crowds to feel a sense of belonging in one special, irreplaceable spot. To leave it be, I was viewed as an obsessed Midwesterner trying to live out some kind of big city fantasy, maybe even as a whore, looking for a hot time. I chose the lesser of two evils. I’d much rather have that inner circle of guys think me a whore, than know me flat out as a dork.

And, so, I walked away for good, from my favorite thing in the world, my favorite place in the world. Forever. It was like I’d gone to “the dark side” that night and would wear the Scarlett Letter forever. It was my own fault, too. I’m not blaming anyone but me. Everything was exactly perfect until I changed it. I had the perfect escape, the perfect place, the best moments ever. Yet, I allowed myself to be bullied and much worse… to be shallow. If I lived my life over, when that moment again arose, I would never have crossed that line.

I think of the lyrics to a Nickelback song (please, please…. humor me here) and they express how I feel about that moment in time: a  beautiful memory, a lesson learned, a betrayal that stole a piece of my heart, a place that shifted from refuge to refuse.

“I miss that town, I miss the faces / You can’t erase, You can’t replace it / I miss it now, I can’t believe it / So hard to stay, Too hard to leave it… / If I could I relive those days, I know the one thing that would never change…”

The truth is: sometimes, you lose.

.

Mama Lies . . . (song lyrics) [country folk song]

[country folk song. maybe emmylou harris, pam tillis, reba.]

Her mama told her Papa died
When she was just a baby.
There was no other family
The two were on their own.

She didn’t question Mama’s word
She prayed for Papa daily.
And did her best with Mama
To create a happy home.

Gradually, the years went by
The girl became a woman.
It didn’t seem so very long
She’d children of her own.

When cancer came to visit them,
The stay was not a long one.
And she couldn’t help but feel
A little lost with Mama gone.

**

Now Mama lies
in a chamber filled with roses
Mama lies
in a bedroom made of stone.

Mama’s eyes
look down on her from heaven
She couldn’t help but feel
A little lost with Mama gone.

**

She held the – picture of her grand kids
As she sat down at the table
And told her husband of – these thirty years
The lump might be benign.

Her doctor’d asked her family’s history
She didn’t know the story too well.
She finally did a search on Papa
And boy – had Mama lied…

With shock still ringing in her head
She gathered up the family
Together they walked through the courtyard
Of the nursing home.

Fifty-seven years she was,
Her Papa nearly eighty.
He smiled weakly at the strangers
Then stared out onto the lawn.

**

Well, Mama lied -
She left Papa to his family.
Mama lied -
She’d changed her job and then moved on.

Mama lied -
She never told him of their baby
She thought alone – she’d make things right
and it – would fix their wrong.

**

Now Papa’s eyes
look at his daughter and her family
Papa’s eyes
look into eyes he should have known.

Papa’s eyes
Travel to a distant memory.
He smiles weakly at the strangers
Then stares out onto the lawn.

Turning Away (song lyrics) [rock ballad]

[rock ballad with a melissa etheridge throaty, angsty, guttural feel]

I can’t tell you
What I’m feeling

My heart is pounding
My head is reeling

My heart and soul are
What you’re stealing

As you’re turning away…

**

You can’t hear me
I’ve lost my voice

The world is silent
Not one small noise

Could there tru-ly be
No other choice?

No, you’re still turning away.

**

And now I see that you’re
Needing to breathe
And I’m watching you go…

Its not that you and me
Were even meant to be
I wasn’t ready to know.

**

**

I’m all alone again…
Yeah, here I stand

Won’t you turn back around
Just take my hand

The truth sinks slowly in
That’s not the plan

You’re simply turning away…

**

Turn, turn, turn,
Turning away.

Turn, turn, turn,
You’ll never stay…

Turn, turn, turn,
Turning away.

Turn, turn, turn,
My turn to stray…

**
Now I can slowly hear
The world outside

I know I only was
Here for the ride

If I knew a way
I’d be at your side

Instead . . . I’m turning away.

**

Turn, turn, turn,
Turning away…

Turn, turn, turn,
You’ll never stay…

Turn, turn, turn,
Turning away.

Turn, turn, turn,
You’ll never stay…

Turn, turn, turn,
I’m turning away.

You Don’t Know Jack (song lyrics) [power pop]

[power pop. cheap trick sound.]

You said goodbye to me—turned quickly on your heel
You went out searching—for that bigger better deal
And now that guy you caught—and thought was so sublime
Was not “all that”– he didn’t stand the test of time.
And you’re alone…

You told me, baby – nothing that—we ever had was real
You needed someone—with a hotter sex appeal
But, so did he—and now you’re feeling, oh, so small
My cell ID tells me—it’s you who’s trying to crawl.
Come crawling home…

Well….
You don’t know jack!
You don’t know me.
You want me back
But, I can see, oh, girl….
You don’t know jack!

When I told you that I loved you, baby—you still walked away
You didn’t want to listen—to the words I had to say
He was young and hot and vibrant—so much “more” than what I am
You felt alive again—then he went on the lam.
You were so wrong….

**

Well….
You don’t know jack!
You don’t know me.
You wanna come back
But, I can see, oh, girl….
You don’t know jack!

**

The table’s turned, you beg— you crawl across my floor
Petty’s singing now —”Don’t Come ‘Round Here No More.”
You look up at me—’Big Eyes’ call out my name.
Once a sucker, only, girl. I’m on to your cheap game.
Goodbye, so long….

**

You don’t know jack!
You don’t know me.
You can’t come back
Oh, can’t you…. see… it… girl?

Oh, yeah…
You don’t know jack!!
You don’t know jack.
You don’t know jack….

Spring Cleansing (song lyrics) [campfire folk song]

[campfire type song for wiccans and other earth religions]

Too many scars, too many fears
to give any one a review.
Cluttering up my mind over the years;
Afraid to try anything new.
It‘s never easy to remember
things that caused your life pain.
And it’s never simple to face all those evils
Or give any one its true name.
Jealousy often is called realism
by the one who can’t say “insecure.”
Anger is “boredom” by the one who just cannot
connect it with feeling a fear.
Caution is “wisdom” to the one who can’t struggle
to get himself up out of bed.
And Hatred is called “religion” by those who don’t
question the words they have read.
Here is a time – to open our eyes
to the things that are painful to see.
And spring clean the closets of our spirit and mind.
so, once more the soul can be free.
When we look inward and we can accept
the darkness that has always been.
Then the Light can grow strong and honest and pure
as the god and goddess living within.

You Can’t Fail If You Don’t Try

I have spent this week getting my business cards, postcards, decals and new website in line.

Today, I drove around and took down numbers and addresses of homes with For Sale By Owner signs in the yard, especially noting ones with “Price Reduced.”

Tomorrow, I planned to go to the ten closest Sunday open houses to see how “staged” the homes were or were not, so I’d know what I was up against.

Monday was my day to mail out postcards or letters to the homeowners and call on the realtors from the open houses (if they weren’t staged well) and explain the low cost of prepping the home better for the market.

So, here it is Saturday night and my mom just called. She said she wondered if I was ready to call Brian yet. I said “why would I want to do that?”

She said “I think it’s obvious… to see if you can get your job back, since you don’t have any prospects or anything going on. I mean I know you want to do that staging thing, but what if it doesn’t work out?”

I was tired. I responded that I had open houses planned for tomorrow and she hadn’t even given me one day on the job to fail. I wondered why, at this point, after all this effort to make something good happen, would she think I should give in and give up and not even try it out? It wasn’t going to cost me any money to visit houses or contact some realtors that I think are more progressive. It’s so disheartening when you’re about to take part in a race and hear someone say maybe you shouldn’t try and your chances aren’t good.

Damn.

Here’s some examples of what I’m trying to do:

And, here are some from a site that shows after on the left, before on the right. No idea why. Maybe they’re Brits. Anyway…

I don’t have pictures on my site yet,
but I did redo the HOME page today.

Annie’s New Website
still in progress,
but coming along

Suggestions welcome, or any
typos/grammar issues also
regarding website. Thanks

hello?

.

The Storm Hit Us Hard

August 7, 2008 – Thursday

Another Storm Bites The Dust (Storm Thumbnails) Category: Life Clickable Thumbnails Our Shed & Backyard Area: Mom’s House: A Few Townees: It’s starting to become a pattern. .

Newton’s Cradle and Friendships

Friends. You’ve had all kinds: ones that like country music, others that like classic rock, dance and club music fans, hip-hop, rap, heavy metal, alternative, grunge, punk, oldies, even disco. Maybe you’ve had those artsy friends who went with jazz or blues and took you to the most far-out clubs, where you got lost in the smoky, earthy atmosphere that seemed an anachronism of today’s music scene or even today’s reality.

If I asked you, right now, to name a Door’s fan you’ve met, you could. If I asked you who of your friends liked club music, you could. Who’s the Police fan? Who’s the Matthew Good fan? Who likes Kenney Chesney, Billy Joel, Madonna, Pearl Jam?

You could also say who is never current and has never heard of what you’re listening to… and you could probably name someone who is listening to the most obscure stuff and have never once recommended anything you’ve even heard of…

There are ideologies that surround what music speaks to us. First, is the visceral response to it. Often, however, environmental conditioning shapes the visceral response into a calculated response of expression: the expression of our identity.

Pretend for a moment, you’re twelve years old. Let’s say your grandparents listened to oldies, your parents listened to country music.Your middle school friends listened to emo music. But, your older brother in high school hung with a group that listened to the Door’s, the Replacements, old Kiss, and Tesla. Would your visceral, instinctive response be changed? What would you rebel against? With what would you identify? And what would give you a feeling of being more cool, deeper, etc?

You can say you’ve never been influenced in either direction to what seniors, parents, peers or siblings exposed you. Whether you were a toddler, twelve, or even now. But remember the expression “he doth protest too much” before you say a word.

Back in time, I gave this guy a ride home from college. He was the drummer for a hip college band that sound like classic rock meets grunge before Kurt Cobain credited Cheap Trick for influence. Very garage band sound with the unusual ability to play well and write stellar lyrics. I asked the guy what music he listened to and I remember very well what happened next.

He cautioned me. Cautioned me. “You probably haven’t heard of the stuff I like. It’s not mainstream.” (I guess I look mainstream.) I asked for examples. He named The Damned and then added he *used* to like the Psychedelic Furs… before they went mainstream.”

Over the years, I cannot tell you how many times, in how many conversations over music, I have heard phrases that resound the same idea. It’s been said many ways, sometimes more obscurely, sometimes flat out. But, the substance of it is this: “I came across that band when they were unknown. I liked that band, sang their lyrics, listened to their sound over and over… before they ever became popular. I was ahead of my time. Now, that they are popular and played on Top 40 stations, they’ve obviously sold out and become mainstream. Obviously, I no longer like them, because they’ve lost my respect for earning popularity.”

This is called a Newton’s cradle:

If you consider the far left to be the unknown, avant garde, popular only to the musically discriminate… and if you consider the far right to be the mainstream, top 40, bubble gum popularity of the indiscriminate masses, would not that leave only one position from the two extremes. Most would argue that the two extremes are opposing types of music, like country versus rock or classical versus heavy metal. I propose something different. The two extremes are the culture versus the counter culture, and they bombard the majority to the point of resentment.

In the middle lies the majority. Some claim to like all types and to be in the middle because it is the “mean” of their tastes. Others might claim to be turned off by obscure music and also by top 40, and therefore are in the middle because it is the “median” of their tastes. Still others might say they have no specifics musical tastes and just like what they like, when they like it, based on that musician and that individual song.

If you parallel all this into a different arena, you perhaps could put people into these categories: those who follow traditional norms, those who follow the counter-culture of traditional norms they find limiting, those who like some of the traditional norms but not all and remain independent of either label, and even perhaps those who resent the debate of which norms are right and which are wrong. Perhaps it is just as frustrating as listening to two friends, on a road trip with you, argue in a car about which radio station to choose.

The question is, what influences us to lean toward the obscure, to lean toward the safe, to embrace a bit of the exotic with our routine, or to sit deadfast in the middle and drown everyone out with our headphones? And, if the last is the choice, the chances that whatever is on those headphones came from anyone around you diminishes. The one chance song that didn’t get radio play, that your grandparents, parents, siblings and peers haven’t choked you with. Perhaps, that is your sanctuary.

In the grand scheme of things, are we all looking to belong, to stand out, to blend in, to make a difference, to be popular, to be right, to be really alive, to be really respected… What drives us?

I know the answer. And, the answer is, it’s different for everybody, with overlap here and there. Welcome to humanity, where we all are individuals.

Now, unrelated non sequitur.

Culture vs Counter-Culture

“Would you like to join our club? It’s a lot of fun!”

“Um, well, what is it exactly?”

“Oh, it’s fans of old movies, all eras really, pre 90s. Harvey, Citizen Kane, Cool Hand Luke, Breakfast at Tiffanys, Billy Jack, Red Dawn, Rear Window, To Kill a Mockingbird, The Maltese Falcon…  a complete blast! Exciting! Great discussions!”

“That sounds neat. Thanks for inviting me.”

“Hi everyone. I really like old movies. Especially Harvey.”

“That movie was stupid.”

“And Billy Jack.”

“You’re a hippie.”

“And Stand and Deliver.”

“Obviously, you don’t think for yourself.”

“That movie’s too cool so it’s stupid.”

“That movie’s too stupid to be hip.”

“That movie’s too hip to be smart.”

“That movie’s too mainstream to be worthy.”

“That movie was cool. But, then it became popular. Now it’s just dumb.”

“What happened to everybody? Where’d they go?”

“What?”

“It was your group. Where’d they go?”

“It was never my group.”

“I thought you were so passionate about it.”

“Passionate? Passion is overrated. It’s also the food of the masses, which makes it uncool, not hip, too emo, too cultish, a product of society, a statement made by the counter-culture; it’s too much effort, and mainly, it will only leave you disenchanted. Besides, it makes you look stupid, manipulated and of low intelligence.”

[sings softly]
“You say… that we’ve got nothing in common
No common ground to start from
And we’re falling apart
You’ll say the world has come between us
Our lives have come between us
But I know you just don’t care

And I said what about “Breakfast at Tiffany’s?
She said, “I think I remember the film,
And as I recall, I think, we both kinda liked it.”
And I said, “Well, that’s the one thing we’ve got.”

I see you – the only one who knew me
And now your eyes see through me
I guess I was wrong
So what now? It’s plain to see we’re over,
And I hate when things are over -
When so much is left undone…”
[trails off]

“I always hated that song. Too mainstream. Fodder for the lowly, impressionable masses. Sorry.”

Real Life in the Movies: “It Ain’t Real Life.”

Angst. Life. The way things are. The way we wish they were. The way they’ll never be.

In “Lucas,” Kerri Green asks Lucas to tell him why she is attracted to Charlie Sheen instead of him. He brings up Darwin, and says it’s survival of the fittest. The fittest in any species are driven to each other to ensure survival the species. And yet, at the end, the underdog is applauded by the fittest as if he belonged to their closed society.

Emily Dickinson wrote “The soul selects her own society, then shuts the door – to the majority. Present no more.” I will always remember that line and how I personally understood it. How the door gets closed to the secret membership of who is hip in your world…

I teared up at the end of Lucas, seeing how they wanted me to believe. I figured the writer had been the underdog and wanted to write life with a better ending.

“The Truth About Cats and Dogs.” It wasn’t the truth, really. “Hairspray.” Not the truth.  “Meatballs.” Not the truth. The list goes on and on from “The Breakfast Club” to “Some Kind of Wonderful” to “Pretty in Pink” to “Sixteen Candles.” And, then, there’s “The Goonies,” “The Princess Diaries,” “What A Girl Wants” and “Grease.”

I guess everybody could add one or two that I’ve missed: movies that inspired the unfit to think they they could aspire to popular, to sexy, to cool, to hip. Movies that left me realizing the unfit became writers and the fittest acted the parts, leaving to few among them to outsiders who would play the fat girl, the science geek, or the awkward, late bloomer in a high school or world that was in full bloom and leaving them behind.

Perhaps there is a secret society that propels the underdogs to aspire to greatness. Perhaps, I’ll write a movie about it, and cry at the end…

(((Inspired by my friend’s blog about her teenager.)))

Beer Analogies and Taxes

This was a bulletin from a friend, who may or may not want attention drawn, so I’ll leave it anonymous until they say either way to me.

Another friend gave me a link which continues on about tax breaks in a funnier and more realistic sense that surpassed my hopes of discussion. See below!

Tax Analogy with Beer ( First Edition)

Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all ten comes to $100.

If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this:

The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.

The fifth would pay $1.

The sixth would pay $3.

The seventh would pay $7.

The eighth would pay $12.

The ninth would pay $18.

The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59.

So, that’s what they decided to do. The ten men drank in the bar every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement, until one day, the owner threw them a curve.

‘Since you are all such good customers,’ he said, ‘I’m going to reduce the cost of your daily beer by $20. ‘Drinks for the ten now cost just $80. The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes so the first four men were unaffected. They would still drink for free.

But what about the other six men – the paying customers? How could they divide the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his ‘fair share?’ They realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33. But if they subtracted that from everybody’s share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would each end up being paid to drink his beer.

So, the bar owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man’s bill by roughly the same amount, and he proceeded to work out the amounts each should pay. And so the fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (100% savings). The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33%savings). The seventh now pay $5 instead of $7 (28%savings). The eighth now paid $9 instead of $12 (25% savings). The ninth now paid $14 instead of $18 ( 22% savings). The tenth now paid $49 instead of $59 (16% savings).

Each of the six was better off than before. And the first four continued to drink for free.

But once outside the restaurant, the men began to compare their savings. ‘I only got a dollar out of the $20,’ declared the sixth man. He pointed to the tenth man,’ but he got $10! ”Yeah, that’s right,’ exclaimed the fifth man. ‘I only saved a dollar, too.

It’s unfair that he got ten times more than I!!

”That’s true!!’ shouted the seventh man. ‘Why should he get $10 back when I got only two? The wealthy get all the breaks! ”Wait a minute,’ yelled the first four men in unison. ‘We didn’t get anything at all. The system exploits the poor!!! ‘The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up.

The next night the tenth man didn’t show up for drinks, so the nine sat down and had beers without him. But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important.

They didn’t have enough money between all of them for even half of the bill!!!!!

And that, boys and girls, journalists and college professors, is how our tax system works.

The people who pay the highest taxes get the most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up anymore. In fact, they might start drinking overseas where the atmosphere is somewhat friendlier.

For those who understand, no explanation is needed.

For those who do not understand, no explanation is possible.

David R. Kamerschen, Ph.D.

Professor of Economics University of Georgia”

——–End First Edition——-

Now, Dr. Kamerschen above denies ever having written that viral email and bulletin which has been passed around since 2001 or 2002.

—————Revised & Painfully Funny Edition———

How Taxes Really Work

To start with . . . .

In the US and throughout most of the rest of the world, the tenth man would have paid off a politician for $10 to get a beer subsidy of $30 per night(to create jobs for the bartender). Of this $30, $10 of course would have covered the lobbying expense, $10 would go in his own pocket, $1 would go to the bartender to keep his mouth shut, and $9 would go to the bar.

The Bar would give him a kickback of $10 each night for bringing in his 9 buddies to make them into alcoholics, repeat customers for life.

The Bar would then raise their prices to $130 citing inflation and higher taxes.

The tenth richest man would then secure his finances in a Dutch Holding Company managed by a trust in Ireland which invests in Chase and Bank of America. He would then explain to his buddies that he is as poor as the rest of them and can’t afford to pay himself as he cries into his beer that night citing his latest financial report which shows him to be broke on paper so that he doesn’t have to pay taxes in the United States ever again.

Citing his former generosity, the other nine men would agree that the tenth man can now pay nothing like the 4 poorest.

The others would then be faced with an adjusted amount of

• The fifth would pay $3.
• The sixth would pay $10.
• The seventh would pay $22.
• The eighth would pay $38.
• The ninth would pay $57.

Now the group would recognize that this is not fair and so would lobby the Government for an Earned Drinking Credit for the Poorest men. The government would oblige and give the four poorest men $2 each, but they would tax the 5th – 9th men $2 each as well.

• 4 men receive a total of $8 and 5 men pay $10.

The adjusted amounts would then look like this for all 10

• First Receives $2 pays $2 | Net 0
• Second Receives $2 pays $2 | Net 0
• Third Receives $2 pays $2 | Net 0
• Fourth Receives $2 pays $2 | Net 0
• Fifth Pay $1 to bar pays $2 to tax | net paid $3
• Sixth Pay $8 to bar; pays $2 to tax | net paid $10
• Seventh Pay $20 to bar; pays $2 to tax | net paid $22
• Eighth Pay $36 to bar pays $2 to tax | net paid $38
• Ninth Pay $55 to bar; pays $2 to tax | net paid $57
• Tenth Man:  Tax Credit Received: $30 ;

  Pays $10 to politician;

  $1 to bartender;

  Receives $10 from Bar

  Net RECEIVED $29 per night and free beer

Of course this can not go on forever as the sixth, seventh, eighth and ninth men can’t afford to pay those rates forever. So they start paying with their credit cards held by Bank of America and Chase.

The tenth man would start demanding a higher Return on Investment from his investment managers, who would be hearing similar requests from all of their other investors. They would then expand their holdings into mortgaged back securities where a good deal more profit could be made.

Meanwhile the Fifth through ninth men are racking up debt on their credit cards from drinking every night, their health care costs are increasing as their liver fails, and they are also spending more on gasoline as they drink and drive as they can no longer afford to cab it.

Ultimately, they end up refinancing their credit cards into their house where they have equity. The mortgage broker promises them a 4.9% interest rate on the refinance which sounds good as their credit card interest rate is up to 21%. The broker promises them that they will not have to verify their income, provide W2’s nor copies of their tax paper work.

Their mortgage broker doesn’t tell them, but lies about the value of their house in order to refinance their credit and help them avoid paying private mortgage insurance. At their current income levels, and without verifying their income, their mortgage would be classified as Sub Prime and the interest rate would be 10.9%

The mortgage officer lies about their income levels as well to boost the internal credit scoring mechanism and get them financed, not at 4.9% but 5.9%, which is better than 10.9% and happens to pay the mortgage broker a higher commission than a loan at 4.9% that is not sub prime.

The mortgage broker also promises them a payment of $900 per month, but fails to mention the balloon payment of $50,000 in the 5th year and doesn’t mention the adjustable rates in year 3.

The men separately show up with a hangover and sun glasses on the date of their close for their new mortgages. They trust their broker and do not read the paperwork in detail flipping and signing almost as fast as they could raise a beer bottle to their lips.

The loan closes, the mortgage broker gets a fat commission, the bank securitizes the mortgages by selling them to an Irish Hedge Fund and pockets collectively a billion dollars in profits that year.

The hedge fund holds the investment for a year, shows a 35% gain on paper and starts selling shares to retirement funds and 401ks in the US that the Sixth through 9th men just happen to have the rest of their life savings sitting in.

The tenth man sees the writing on the wall, literally magic marker on a stall in the restroom of the bar.

“The end is Nigh”

He pulls his money out of the Irish Hedge fund invested in real estate and invests in Gold at $600 a troy ounce.

Meanwhile, he lobbies congress to tighten bankruptcy laws for credit cards which he still has a sizable investment in. Congress tightens bankruptcy laws and makes it impossible to absolve credit card debt, forcing people into chapter 13 where they must pay off the debt within 3 years or go to debtors prison where they can work it off in 7 years.

Gas prices are still going up so the President ignores a minor terrorist threat, allows the terrorists to blow up a major building and then goes to war with the terrorists home country where there is no oil, and simultaneously with a country that sits on 10% of the worlds oil reserves that has a decimated military infrastructure.

Oil prices shoot through the roof with Gold following close behind. The President whose family comes from oil barons make a fortune and become famous at their skull and bones country club outside of Yale.

Meanwhile our famous 10 guys, start paying even more money at the pump. The first 4 guys end up taking second jobs working at Wal-Mart and have to give up drinking at the bar so that they can try and beat their teenage kids out of a promotion.

The fifth and sixth guys get foreclosed upon. They were forced to stop paying their mortgage payments so that they could pay their mandatory credit card payments as required by the new bankruptcy law.

The seventh, eighth and ninth men all previously traded up their homes for McMansions that they can not afford with interest only payments of $2300 a month. When foreclosures start happening their plans on flipping their McMansions and cashing in on the equity slips through their fingers.

To make matters worse seven and eight get laid off from the companies they work for when their jobs get outsourced to China. The ninth man keeps his job at a law firm, but fails to notice that his 401k fund is slipping and has lost 10% in the last year. Things are looking up as his law firm seems on the edge of landing a big contract with Merrill Lynch.

Then the real estate crash and sub prime mortgage scandal erupt. Banks start dropping like flies to be saved not by the cash strapped government that can barely afford the war for oil any longer, but by China. Oil and Gold soar, Gold hits $900 a troy ounce and Oil hits $130 a barrel (about the same amount for 10 rounds of beer prior to the crash). Beer prices hold steady for the first few months, but then start to edge up as gas prices for delivery creep into the bar owners expenses.

Then the first four men one night remember their favorite bar. They sneak around back around 4:30 am and steal 50 empty kegs that just happen to be made of pure aluminum. Those kegs are now worth about half the value of a keg that is full in scrap metal prices or about $80.

They are not stupid and don’t want to get caught turning the kegs in at the dump where the police are already looking for keg thieves. So they head out to the closed down manufacturing plant where they used to work. They start a big fire, and melt down the aluminum into big messy aluminum splashes on the cement.

They turn in the aluminum for cash and get caught up on their back alimony and child support before heading back to work at Wal-mart where they now work for their teen age kids that beat them out for that promotion earlier in the month because their job skills weren’t as good as recent high school graduates.  They then begin dreaming of new ways to find aluminum alimony allowances.

Meanwhile, the banks and mortgage companies lobby congress spending about $10,000 a head in an election year to bail out the economy. Congress provides the major banks with government backed loans to refinance the bad sub prime loans so that the government can personally guarantee those bad loans. They also put $100 billion of actual cash into the hands of Americans hoping to stimulate the economy.

Americans however, are all in debt up to their eye balls and use the extra $1200 they receive to make 2-3 credit card payments. They take the $300 for each kid and buy groceries for the month and then they start worrying about next month.

The banks get away free as they have Chinese financing now and no bad loans as they have refinanced them over to the US Government. The US government had to print more money to pay for all of these actions and so Gold goes up to $1500 a troy ounce.

The tenth man is now worth Billions and moves to Costa Rica to retire taking the new trophy wife that used to be the bartenders girl friend with him.

The first four men end up going to county prison for 3 months for stealing aluminum dog crap receptacles after running out of kegs to steal.

The fifth and sixth men end up living in an apartment and then homeless after they lose their jobs at Wal-Mart.

..The seventh and eighth men whom we previously left hanging in our story after they lost their jobs and ability to pay for their homes, end up losing their homes, and their kids. They and their spouses are each convicted of mortgage fraud by the FBI in a major sting operation after it is revealed that they lied on their mortgage applications. Their mortgage brokers who actually did the paper work cop a plea agreement in exchange for immunity with the Feds and rat out each of their unsuspecting customers.

The ninth man ends up losing his entire retirement fund which took a big hit as the dollar rapidly plummeted into free fall. He ends up refinancing his own house under a government backed loan for $650,000. Unfortunately, a tornado comes through that winter in a freak coincidence and levels the home. FEMA promises to provide assistance but never shows up and the ninth man freezes to death attempting to salvage the shreds of his belongings. His home insurance policy refuses to pay as they claim that his house was over valued and then they prove it with comparables studies from his own mortgage brokers database.

The tenth man ends up dumping his new bride a year later, moving back to the states a year after that when the US appears to have hit rock bottom and he leads up a Chinese real estate investment initiative in the states. He makes another $10 billion in ten years, but is then executed in Beijing for espionage.

Meanwhile, the bar tender goes on to win American Idol and sleep with Paula Abdul. They are now blissfully happy, doped up on anti-psychotics, and the biggest two idiots the world has ever seen.

———-End Revised Edition———–

Now, discuss please!!!!

Obama in St. Louis & Kansas City

Record Breaking Obama Rallies & Largest Gathering in St. Louis since 1904 World’s Fair (update)
Current mood: excited
Category: News and Politics

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y2iwBERO7Gk

The event was unprecedented!
Oh, what a day! I will never forget standing in line with more people than has every surrounded me for any reason in my life! I was interviewed by some reporter, she took a picture, Obama waved 15 feet from me from his motorcade that I didn’t even know was going to come down that street. There was NO negativity in that crowd. There were blacks and whites, friends and families, and more white males between 40 and 65 than you could have imagined. I think the older crowd outweighed the college crowd 3 to 1. The feeling of the crowd? Unity. We are one. We have changes to make.

That is the Rose Bowl above. It seats 91,200 or so. There is no way there were ONLY 100,000 people who showed up, and only with 2-1/2 days notice, I might add!

And, later in the afternoon, an estimated 75,000 more at the Missouri/Kansas border showed up in Kansas City to hear him speak!

America The Hypocritical? No! No! No!

Opponents to same-sex marriage uniformly declare that the “traditional” definition of marriage is a commitment between a man and a woman.” Pressed further, the common denominator to this argument is a faith based determinant.

One person recently told me that they have no problem with gays having some kind of  “legal union” or power of attorney, but just not a “marriage” — again saying, because it is against their faith.

In a country founded on the freedom of religion, this argument flies in the face of our Declaration of Independence, our Constitution and the Bill of Rights.

So, to both of those opponents of same-sex marriage, I say this, respectfully:

This is America.

We do not legislate faith. We enact law.

Separation of Church and State via Example

Law cannot be written to define which religion is correct, which ones are incorrect or if religion itself is a requirement to citizenship. The First Amendment granted “freedom of religion” which should imply also “freedom from religion.” One free of any imposed religion, then, could not be forced to follow the religious rights of another. Nor should someone from a religion that allows homosexual marriage be barred from it based on a different belief.

And then, there is another amendment, the Ninth. It states that the rights that have been enumerated heretofore do not deny any rights that were not enumerated. Translation: any right that is perceived by all to be a basic right of all people, say… the right to marry, should not be denied. Law, therefore, cannot be written to deny this unenumerated right of any and every adult in America — to marry another consenting adult. Period. No quibbles.

Just in case there was potential for abuse of power, our forefathers wrote one last amendment to the original Bill of Rights, the Tenth Amendment. It states that the powers not granted to the federal government in the Constitution lie with the states and with the people. This was to keep the powers to be, ad infinitum, from eating away at the liberties of the people, a little at a time.

Now then, that ol’ Declaration of Independence… the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness… Does it not include a right to a freedom that does not infringe on any other’s and does it not allow for the pursuit of a legal and committed relationship as one path to happiness? Was it the Declaration of Heterosexual Independence? Certainly, any heterosexual would consider the right to a committed, faithful and legal relationship one normal act in the pursuit of  happiness.

Consider this, also. Law has not ever been written to  deny the ingestion of pork (based on Islam), the ingestion of beef (based on Hinduism), the eating of shellfish — (based on the Judaism) nor have citizens been denied eggs and dairy (to appease the began religions.) Can you imagine if coffee, tea and chocolate were forbidden to all?

All religions do not, by law, have to eat food that is considered Kosher, for example. Nor have we enacted laws that say, instead, that the ingestion of all types of meat will be enforced, because we will all be subject to the new food laws put forth in the New Testament of the Christian Bible.

These things are clear:

• Beliefs are individual.
• Faith is strong.
• Creeds are diverse and contradict each other.
• Law should not be written in America to steal our rights or liberties.
• Law should not tell us which belief is to be followed, nor which religion is correct.

Marriage

Marriage is a social rite that has been recognized and performed throughout time and across all belief systems. It has had various connotations: sometimes religious, sometimes not.

The rite of marriage can allow two people to enter a legally binding relationship: of joint ownership or the ability to visit in a hospital, or the power of attorney. It allows family health care benefits, a different tax status, the simple recognition of a legitimate, sincere relationship and, even, the distinguished honor of having a spouse, instead of a significant other or partner.

For what it’s worth, a partnership or a civil union is not a marriage…

if you can’t call it a marriage and
if it is not recongnized legally and completely as the same on every level.

It is not “separate but equal” — any more than this sign ever provided separate and equal consideration to all people.

From the beginnings of the founding of our country to the amendments that followed throughout history — we have endeavored to remove discrimination and protect individual liberties. Lyndon Johnson made a huge step towards the equality of all, regardless of race, gender, color, creed, national origin, and Bush Sr. provided the Americans with Disabilities Act. It should not end there. It cannot end there, lest we be hypocrites.

According to the very documents by which our country was founded, according to the very spirit by which we live and persevere, I say to you: this is a democracy for the people, by the people, of the people. ALL of the people. We cannot discriminate anew or stagnate in old, inhumane beliefs, making one segment of our modern society a pariah and a victim of a divisive judgmental approach that has no place here.

Here.

Isn’t this America?

The New America? It Could Happen.

The rain drizzled outside as the low rumble of thunderstorms moved in the distance. Chris moved through the house in its shaded state and found the remote control. Aimed at the television, the remote was ineffective. Puzzling. Sitting down at the computer and wiggling the mouse did not bring the screen out of slumber.

“Must’ve been a power outage,” Chris mumbled and pressed the power button. But, the computer did not fire up. “What?” Looking around, wondering, getting up and flipping a light switch. No light. “Ah, okay, the power is out now! From the storms.”

Sighing, Chris returned to the bedroom, picking up the only land line in the house. Cordless phones don’t work without power. The phone was silent, no dial tone. Making it back into the living room and grabbing the cell phone on the desk was reassuring. It lit up when buttons were pressed. Calling Terry and waiting, and waiting, the phone did not connect. More perplexing was the fact that no recorded message replied. Trying several more numbers got the same response.

No power. No television. No phones. No cell either. Going to the stove, out of curiosity mostly, Chris turned the knob to light. The flame on the old stove appeared, but lasted only seconds and went out. Relighting did not work, and the gas sound was no longer present.

This feeling was indescribable. Uneasiness. Fear. Quiet panic. Standing there, not knowing where to move next. Finally, the inevitable, the move to the windows (seeing nothing), the back door (seeing nothing) and the front door (seeing nothing.) Getting the courage to quietly walk outside and look around, the street was quiet. Down the block, a car drove past an intersection. Quiet again. Sirens in the far distance came closer and faded. Silence again and minutes passed.

A car began to zoom up the distant side street, coming around the curve and crashing into a telephone pole. The driver got out and began to run, but was shot over and over in the back as he fell to the ground. The shooter came into view. Shooters, actually. Chris was confused. They were supposed to be the good guys.

Backing away slowly, making it into the safety of cover, Chris could hear the sound of sirens again in the distance. At last resort, opening the desk drawer and taking out a wind-it up weather and emergency radio, the winding began. One full minute of winding, and the search for a station. Any station. There was only static…

2008 Presidential Election: Two Separate Issues

You know that I am voting for Obama. But, when it comes down to it, why? I have two major reasons and one thought that keeps nagging at me, so I decided to share.

But, first, I’ll digress on the non-nagging issue. Reason Number One.

Policy: Domestic and Foreign.

First, I have read the policies of both at their websites and at independent websites. I’ve been to several “who should i vote for?” sites that allowed me to take quizzes and matched me with the candidates. This was a neat one: http://www.votehelp.org/.

I’ve also visited http://www.electiontaxes.com/ to review the tax plans of both for myself and my mom. I like that site because it allows you to input your income, capital gains, itemized expenses if you have them, and child care expenses.

Overall, (but not completely), my views line up with Obama’s on how policy should be approached. Should I win the lottery tomorrow, my views on that will not change, because there are many more issues than just my income.

A digression within the digression. Joe, the Plumber. His words were: “I’m getting ready to buy a company that makes 250 to 280 thousand dollars a year.” What neither Obama nor McCain addressed was that is COST not INCOME.

If the company costs that, the cost has to be offset on his taxes, whether it’s a Schedule C or bigger. He has to offset the investment, payroll, materials, supplies, and vehicle depreciation or mileage. After all of that is done, he transfers the amount to the income form on his tax return, where he then backs off his exemption and his son’s, any IRA expenses, his itemized deductions on his home mortgage interest, unreimbursed employee expenses, and then has to pay in his SE form if it’s a Schedule C. If the business “makes 250 to 280 thousand dollars a year” how much to buy it? What about expenses? Is it a three million dollar company making that in income, because if so, he’s no middle class Joe. If it’s cost to buy is $250, then that’s not his income. He’ll claim a loss for years as he pays down the purchase of it and pays salaries, etc.

When it’s all said and done, if his NET income after all expenses is $300,000, he would pay $4000 more on Obama’s plan than McCain’s. I have to tell you, if you’ll pay me $300,000, I’ll give you $4000. and, if Joe made only, I mean only $250,000 in net income, he would pay $2211 more. So, that whole argument is hardly worth the argument. It annoys me and I consider it a distraction.

Anyway, back on topic: Policy. I lean Obama’s way farther than Pisa leans. (5.5 degrees. No need to go look that up.)

Now, for the second thing. And, this is the one that has been nagging and nagging at me. I don’t have the perfect term for it. For lack of a better way of putting it, I’ll call it:

Presidential Presentation

When I remove policy from the equation, and I remove the other candidate and across that table last night, I put any foreign leader across the table in any type of negotiations, the difference is alarming.

If McCain cannot disagree on policy without being disagreeable, if he cannot contain his snorts, sneers, eye rolls, shrugs and faces… with Obama — how could he meet with world leaders and not offend them?

Every debate I have watched, he has stated his message and come across with a condescending, belittling, “I’m right, that one’s wrong”, pedantic tone. He has been called on it, but can’t shake it. His smiles are strained and tense. When he believes he is right, he believes the other is wrong. There is no middle ground. There is no room for negotiation.

The world is watching to see if we elect a negotiator or a bully, who have chosen respectively, a negotiator and a bulldog for a running mate. (I do not think Palin is a pit bull, but a bulldog, grabbing onto the ankle and not letting go.)

If my policy were leaning the other way, I would still have to vote for Obama. This has happened to me before. My policies leaned Democrat, but I voted a Republican into office. Twice. I tried to vote for the better person for the job, the better domestic leader, the better international leader.

And, policy aside, I’ll be doing it again.

America: Get Up!

Time passes slowly to three generations, but within the time line of all history we are but a speck of dust. Our problem, as Americans, is not that we aren’t innovative, strong or intelligent. Our problem is that we’re short-sighted, hard to involve in activities outside our routine and, basically, creatures of habit whose greatest wish is to live the American Dream without stumbling.

We’ve all taken the strength of America for granted and we have assumed, yes assumed, its longevity. It’s been here long enough that it does feel fresh, precarious, teetering on the brink of extinction on decline. Most forget, our country is one of the youngest countries on the globe.

It is very plausible that a paradigm shift could occur, and within this or the next generation! We could become the new India or the new China, while India and China take over the spotlight as power players in the global economy.

The fact we think we became the alpha male of the globe within this short stretch of global history is not fact, but our opinion. This opinion has been overvalued by us and not recognized by many who live on foreign shores.

In analogy, we were the lion cub grew up, split off from our pride and along the way, won a few good fights, establishing a proud and fearsome new pride. We called it the United States of America. At different times in the past two hundred and thirty plus years, our country joined with other prides, forming coalitions to patrol and stand down power hungry nomads who were bent on the control or eradication of others.

Over time, our country prospered in many ways: Economically, technologically, scientifically and more. Other countries valued our trade agreements and innovations, as it strengthened their own countries. This barter system of sharing and growing worked well, when not interlinking it with any other repercussions. Exporting grain to starving countries was a noble cause. Exporting arms to an area of turmoil and counteracting that empowerment by arming surrounding countries has been failed policy and lack of foresight.

Not only has America had trouble with image and policy abroad, we have had setbacks in every area of strength we possessed. We left Great Britain while under the rule of King George III, unhappy with two major issues: freedom of religion and taxation without representation.

Yet, in America, we have fought against ourselves at the meaning of the very definitions put forth in the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution.

We have fought to ensure that all races and both genders were documented as people with voices, not property. In the quest for freedom from slavery, we fought internally for years, and we have grown for more than one hundred years, divided and bitter, not wholly but enough to unnerve the comfort zone. Fifty-five years after the 13th Amendment abolition of slavery, women were granted the right to vote.

Taxation. The first collected income tax levied, in 1861, helped to fund the Civil War. It was called the “Revenue Act of 1861″ and was rescinded in 1872. Then, in 1994, the Wilson-Gorman Tariff tried to impose the first ever peacetime income tax. It was taken all the way to the Supreme Court and found to be unconstitutional. Income tax would not show up again until Congress passed the 16th Amendment in 1913, which has met with controversy since its inception with an argument that the amendment was never fully ratified and is also in direct violation of our 9th Amendment right to unenumerated rights? Complicated enough?

There is a proposed Fair Tax Act, encouraged by Libertarians, that would abolish income tax completely in lieu of a national sales tax. What would that really do? Well, the current cost of the Department of the Internal Revenue Service would certainly be a reduction in spending, as they would not have to review all citizens’ honesty and audit questionable tax returns. Taxes would be based upon purchases, and thereby those with less would buy less and be taxed less. Ironically, this bill has been contested feverishly and adamantly. One reason is that we already pay a sales tax. Oh, and we already pay income tax. Why mess with a system that taxes us when we earn it and when we spend it?

Technology. In our quest for growth and independence, we have polluted our water, our land, our air, and further up and out: our protective ozone layer. We may have nailed innovation, production and technology in the short term, but without regard to consequence, in the short term or long term. We treated those who spoke of consequence as witch doctors selling sugar water. In short, we treated environmentalists with disdain, disrespect and even satire. We now face a plethora of ills in combating and reversing even a portion of the damage we’ve done.

Religion, or more specifically, freedom of religion. We established this country, not in a small part, based on a feeling of persecution in Great Britiain. Yet, our lawmakers still let religion interfere between the people and the law. Same sex marriage is one example. Let us look at a few religious beliefs: Jews do not eat meat with cheese and the utensils that touch one may not touch another. Muslims do not eat pork and consider it a dirty meat. Hindus do not eat beefs, as they believe cows are sacred. Hare Krishnas are lacto vegetarians, abstaining from all meat, fish and eggs. Rastafarians choose food with no preservatives or chemicals. Now, if we were to respect ALL religions and abide by them, no American would be legally able to eat beef, pork, fish, other meat, egg or dairy. We would all be eating a nearly Vegan diet. However, Americans do not have dietary laws that force us to limit our diet in such a way, due to varying religious beliefs.

The argument against same sex marriage has been that it violates the sanctity of historically traditional marriage and is solely to be formed between a man and a women. There is an irony in the fact that the Defense of Marriage Act of 1996 pushed through to legally define, for the first time, that marriage is between a man and a woman. When asked why a person who defines marriage this way, the often heard comment is that this feeling comes from their faith. Faith. But, we are allowed freedom of faith, are we not? And, while one faith eats pork, another eats beef and another abstains from meat, it is not illegal for any. We founded America on the basis that no one’s else faith could infringe on our own, inalienable rights. Just as there are religions that consider homosexuality an abomination, there are those that do not.

It is true that atheists (of the opposite sex) can marry in a civil union, or in a church if they so desire, and reap the benefits of a married couple. It is true that Satanists (of the opposite sex) can marry in a civil union, or in a church if they so desire, and also reap the benefits of a married couple. Yet, two atheists or Satanists, or those of any other religion in the world cannot marry in America due to… what? When specific religions that forbid homosexuality are removed from the equation, what legal grounds remain?

When blacks were freed from the chains of slavery, there were those who considered them white man’s property found it distasteful. When women were allowed the right to vote, there were those who considered them a husband’s property and found it distasteful. Growth always brings with it discord, but I ask you… by what non-religious grounds, in a country founded on religious freedom, can we not allow two non-related adults to consensually enter a binding agreement of intimate partnership?

America, the lion cub, who grew into a great, alpha lion and led the pride in the world against oppression and against terror. Are we that same America today? We oppress our own, legislate the eradication of our rights, our privacy, our pursuit of happiness to all men created equal. And, we got lazy and cocky. The cub stopped paying attention to old alphas in other places that seemed small and powerless. The cub talked cocky, rattled a few sabers, angered friends and made new enemies while it allowed the members of its pride to falter, to lose hope, to lose their way.

The defining advantage of America: education and hard work, became a melting pot placed on the back burner, traded for convenience and leisure. Americans dismissed education, mocked math, science and our elders who spoke of the Great Depression. And, sadly, Americans found the buffet, the all you can eat buffet.

Over thirty years, we studied less, polluted more, discriminated more, and ate even more than that. While becoming a nation of video gamers, slackers, complainers and tv watchers, other countries studied more and underbid our wages. The tables have turned sharply and, subsequently, we may not be in a good position to deal with it. I am not insulting this generation of which I speak. I am of this generation, and I see, think, feel and live it all too clearly.

It is time for us to stand and deliver, time to study again, time to value education. We need math geeks and science nerds and environmentalists to be our heroes. We need linguists and economists and teachers to stand proud. We need bullies to feel the scorn of a nation bullied too much by its own. No slacker need bully a genius to feel better, when it is that very slacker who will weaken the country the genius can save. We need video gamers to use their skills for military defense, programmers who have a desire and a purpose that is greater than hacking a computer or spreading the newest worm virus.

Americans have long since relegated nations to common denominators. Germans for their automobiles, Japanese for their radios and televisions, Colombia for its coffee, and the list goes on. But as we stereotyped others, what nation have we become? What are we known for globally? And, what yet can we become?

It is up to us. We are one generation away from becoming a leader again or becoming a third world country, dependent on foreign lands’ generosity to keep us alive. Get up. Stand up.

Does It Really Matter If I Vote?

A plea from me to undecideds and possible non-voters…
———–

If you get laid off, how long can you live on your savings?

If your bank declared bankruptcy tomorrow, would your accounts be available for withdrawal immediately?

If your mortgage was due on the 1st, but your mortgage lender declared bankruptcy this week, would you just go ahead and mail the check or should you call someone?

If your daughter said her school sports program was canceled due to lack of funding, or if your son brought home a note that said hot lunches would no longer be provided, please send lunch boxes… would it matter?

If school buses stopped running, would it affect anyone you know?

If mass transit went bankrupt tomorrow, would you be affected?

If your company (like my friend’s) had to end everyone’s insurance coverage because they could no longer stay afloat if they paid it, would it affect your family at all, or anyone’s family you know?

If the gas stations were empty, would you get by?

If your daughters and sons were required to register for the draft and serve tours of duty in the middle east, would that be just fine with you?

If the money in the 700 billion dollar bailout helps those that make over $100,000 to millions a year keep their jobs at that current salary, should there be no repercussions for them? Is it possible they could stay on at a 20% salary reduction to help pay for the bailout, if that offered them the tax break by only taxing the amount they received?

If people who were laid off and took lesser paying jobs were allowed to refinance for longer, at the same interest rate, to reduce their monthly payment, wouldn’t that be better than letting the loan default?

If people who were laid off (from Starbuck’s or Chrysler, for example) were actively looking for work, would it NOT be better to offer a mortgage deferment (like a student loan deferment) as long as they met criteria of actively and aggressively looking for work?

If you know one person who could be affected so badly in the next four years that it could destroy their life, does it make the difference?

Does it matter then? Because, it matters to me.